The Grace Journal : faith

The Choice to Carry Guilt

It has been while since have written here.

1 year and 1 day to be exact.

I have been sharing mainly on Facebook and Instagram, but have really been wanting to pour out more than you can really fit in those forums.

So...I am back to The Grace Journal and today...I want to talk about guilt.

Recently, I have come across 3 beautiful women in 3 different situations but all with one common denominator...

One girl talked about how her father committed suicide and it happened shortly after she was unable to make a visit to see him. She feels guilty because she feels she could have stopped him had she just made that visit.
Another was told by her doctor that she can not longer do certain activities because her body just isn't physically capable at the moment. She feels guilty because she was unable to reach her goal.
Another was an 82 year old women I met recently after a talk I gave. She pulled me aside and confided in me a secret she had only told her husband...that she had been raped at 14. She looked at me and said "Sometimes I still wonder what I did wrong that he would do that to me." She feel guilty because she feels she must have done something to deserve his violent attack on her person.

What do all these women have in common?

GUILT.

In Psalm 38:4, David laments "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear."

He describes guilt as a heavy burden and that is exactly what it is.

Guilt is a weight.

It creates walls between us and other.

It creates heartache that holds us hostage.

It creates distrust in ourselves.

But you know the difference between David and the three ladies I mentioned?

David was guilty over situations of his own doing.

These 3 ladies are carrying guilt over things that they have no control over.

Her father CHOSE to end his life...it was not her decision.

Her doctor told her that she could not meet her goal at this time...it was not her decision.

A man chose to rape a 14 year old girl....it was not her decision.

So here is my question....if it was not your decision....why carry the guilt?

Why do we assume the guilt of others as though it is our's?

There are things in our life that are beyond our control.

Bad things happen that we have no choice but we suffer the emotional fall-out that follows them.

Back in old testament times, there was a thing called a Guilt Offering.

It was used for a variety of purposes (you can read about it in detail in the book of Leviticus in the Bible), like legal guilt or emotional guilt and it could be a sacrifice on behalf one person or the community as a whole.

It consisted of a ram or bull killed, drained of it's blood and burned on the sacrificial alter in the tabernacle.

{Sounds gross right?!}

But how often do we do the same thing emotionally, mentally and spiritually?

We sacrifice our happiness on the altar of guilt.

We sacrifice our relationships on the altar of guilt.

We sacrifice our peace on the altar of guilt.

We sacrifice our future on the altar of guilt.

We sacrifice all these things on an altar that doesn't even exist any more.

Hebrews 10:10 says "...we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once and for all."

Jesus was the final sacrifice for our guilt....whether it be our personal guilt because of what we've done or the assumed guilt brought on by the actions of others.

If it wasn't your decision...it's not your guilt to carry.

Lay it down.

It might take intentionally laying it down everyday...every hour, but eventually you won't have to lay it down again, because you never picked it back up in the first place.

There are those who are struggling with infertility and you feel guilty because your body has betrayed you..but it was not your decision so it's not your guilt.

There are those who were abandoned by a father and you feel guilty for not having that relationship and for all the emotional fall-out HIS decision has caused you...but it was not your decision so it's not your guilt.

There are those of you who are going through a divorce because you spouse has decided to walk away and you are bearing the guilt of a failed marriage...but it was not your decision so it's not your guilt.

There are those of you who have been praying for and seeking answers for a loved one and THEY are still choosing a self-destructive path and you are feeling guilty because you feel if you could just DO MORE or SAY MORE or somehow REACH them...they could be saved...but...it's not your decision...it's their's...so it's not your guilt.

Let it go.

Lay it down.

Daily. Hourly. Every minute if need be.

Love yourself enough to know that you were worth dying for and the Jesus was your final guilt offering so that you have no need of carrying it anymore.

In His Love and By His Grace,

KERI

There's a Bird on my Window

There's a bird on my window

Fighting to get in

He jumps and flutters

And struggles against the pane

What is he searching for?

What does he need?

Why does he beat his breast

Against the glass?

Does he want what I have?

Four walls, warmth, and food?

Does it look better

From the outside looking in?

But doesn't he know

Doesn't he understand

On the outside he is free

With wings to fly anywhere?

In here, he would be a prisoner

In here, he would be caged.

He is where is should be

If he just chose to see it.

See this little guy? This is the second morning he has spent on my bedroom window. He jumps and throws himself against the glass, before resting a moment and then trying again.

Staring at him for the last couple of days gave me this thought: Why Am I like this bird?

Throwing myself against the pane of expectations and dreams and hopes. All I am doing is hurting myself and wasting time looking through a window to a place that is not meant for me, while ignoring the whole world I have on my side of the glass.

This bird has wings...he could fly anywhere. Be with other birds. Eat worm. Find berries. Find love. Start a family.

But instead....he is painfully beating himself against the window...striving to be in a place that once he was there...would only be a cage and he would lose the ability to fly the skies of the world.

Why are we like that sometimes? We throw ourselves against the window pane of success or praise or admiration or passion or acceptance...not realizing that once we got there..we are trapped in a cage of our own doing. We lose our ability to fly...to be free...to see the world through God's eyes.

Today...you and I can choose...freedom or captivity...joy or sorrow...life or death.

Because...you see...if this little bird continues to make this choice to try to enter my house through this window...to strive for something that is not meant for him...HE WILL DIE. Or at the very least, become malnourished to the point where he no longer has the strength to hold on and HE WILL FALL.

We are the same...in the end...it is either life or death. We choose...relationships live or die...our spirit lives or dies...our joy lives or dies...just by where we CHOOSE to keep our focus....

looking in the window of someone else's house or looking into the vast open world that is our own life.

Choose Carefully. Choose Daily. Choose Life.

XOXO,

KERI