Showing posts with label scripture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scripture. Show all posts

The Choice to Carry Guilt

It has been while since have written here.

1 year and 1 day to be exact. 

I have been sharing mainly on Facebook and Instagram, but have really been wanting to pour out more than you can really fit in those forums.

So...I am back to The Grace Journal and today...I want to talk about guilt.

Recently, I have come across 3 beautiful women in 3 different situations but all with one common denominator...

  • One girl talked about how her father committed suicide and it happened shortly after she was unable to make a visit to see him. She feels guilty because she feels she could have stopped him had she just made that visit.
  • Another was told by her doctor that she can not longer do certain activities because her body just isn't physically capable at the moment. She feels guilty because she was unable to reach her goal.
  • Another was an 82 year old women I met recently after a talk I gave. She pulled me aside and confided in me a secret she had only told her husband...that she had been raped at 14. She looked at me and said "Sometimes I still wonder what I did wrong that he would do that to me." She feel guilty because she feels she must have done something to deserve his violent attack on her person. 


What do all these women have in common? 

GUILT.

In Psalm 38:4, David laments "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear."

He describes guilt as a heavy burden and that is exactly what it is. 

Guilt is a weight. 

It creates walls between us and other.

It creates heartache that holds us hostage.

It creates distrust in ourselves.

But you know the difference between David and the three ladies I mentioned?

David was guilty over situations of his own doing.

These 3 ladies are carrying guilt over things that they have no control over. 

Her father CHOSE to end his life...it was not her decision.

Her doctor told her that she could not meet her goal at this time...it was not her decision.

A man chose to rape a 14 year old girl....it was not her decision.

So here is my question....if it was not your decision....why carry the guilt?

Why do we assume the guilt of others as though it is our's?

There are things in our life that are beyond our control.

Bad things happen that we have no choice but we suffer the emotional fall-out that follows them.

Back in old testament times, there was a thing called a Guilt Offering. 

It was used for a variety of purposes (you can read about it in detail in the book of Leviticus in the Bible), like legal guilt or emotional guilt and it could be a sacrifice on behalf one person or the community as a whole. 

It consisted of a ram or bull killed, drained of it's blood and burned on the sacrificial alter in the tabernacle. 

{Sounds gross right?!}

But how often do we do the same thing emotionally, mentally and spiritually?

We sacrifice our happiness on the altar of guilt. 

We sacrifice our relationships on the altar of guilt. 

We sacrifice our peace on the altar of guilt.

We sacrifice our future on the altar of guilt.

We sacrifice all these things on an altar that doesn't even exist any more. 

Hebrews 10:10 says "...we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once and for all." 

Jesus was the final sacrifice for our guilt....whether it be our personal guilt because of what we've done or the assumed guilt brought on by the actions of others. 

If it wasn't your decision...it's not your guilt to carry.

Lay it down.

It might take intentionally laying it down everyday...every hour, but eventually you won't have to lay it down again, because you never picked it back up in the first place. 

There are those who are struggling with infertility and you feel guilty because your body has betrayed you..but it was not your decision so it's not your guilt.

There are those who were abandoned by a father and you feel guilty for not having that relationship and for all the emotional fall-out HIS decision has caused you...but it was not your decision so it's not your guilt. 

There are those of you who are going through a divorce because you spouse has decided to walk away and you are bearing the guilt of a failed marriage...but it was not your decision so it's not your guilt.

There are those of you who have been praying for and seeking answers for a loved one and THEY are still choosing a self-destructive path and you are feeling guilty because you feel if you could just DO MORE or SAY MORE or somehow REACH them...they could be saved...but...it's not your decision...it's their's...so it's not your guilt.

Let it go.

Lay it down.

Daily. Hourly. Every minute if need be.

Love yourself enough to know that you were worth dying for and the Jesus was your final guilt offering so that you have no need of carrying it anymore. 

In His Love and By His Grace, 
KERI









Today I have to write an email that scares me to death.

You see there is a person who doesn't understand why I don't want to have a relationship with them. 

In the past, they have done things to hurt me and 4 years ago, I cut ties with them. Their words have always been "I didn't meant to hurt you.", but never admitting "I did wrong." Never admitting to what they did. 

And for me...that is a brick wall. 

I have forgiven them and am working on my own healing regarding the situation, but the idea of pursuing any kind of relationship with the person causes a near panic attack. 

About a month ago, I received an email from them once again...not understanding my lack of "forgiveness" and my need for distance. 

In the past, I have always tip-toed around things because I was scared of hurting the other person, but I have come to realize I am hurting someone anyway...myself.

Although, I have unpacked my emotional "backpack", they are all still lying around me, like land mines. The only way to finally sweep them away where they can't do any damage is to stop ignoring them and face my fears.

Ephesians 4:15 says we must speak the "truth in love" and I LOVE myself more now than I ever have in my entire life so I can no longer lie to myself and mute my feelings to protect others at the expense of freeing my soul from it's prison. 

I will not be speaking in anger and I think that is why I am ready to take this step. Nothing good would come for me or them if I spoke only in anger.

Psalm 37:8 says "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-it only leads to evil."

My purpose is not in evil or wrath...my purpose is in releasing the fear that this situation has held me in for 4 years so that I can stop holding on to the past and move forward.

Proverbs 4:25-26 says: "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. "

I am choosing to look forward...and to do that...I can't be afraid and be a prisoner of my past anymore.

Today...I pray you will choose to love yourself enough to speak the truth to others in love, without fear or anger, so that your soul can be free from it's prison.

Until next time my friends, 
KERI

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I am a lover of all things creative...from cooking and scrapping to mixed media and music to reading and writing. You name it...I love it (well...except for sewing. LOL) Come join me on my journey of daily creativity, as I live The Creative Life.
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