The Grace Journal

I am a thief. 

I regularly take from others what doesn't belong to me. 

I stuff it in my backpack and collect these things that belong to others to the point where I am weighed down with it. 

With my thefts come guilt, condemnation, exhaustion and fear. 

What is this thing that turns me into a perpetual cleptomaniac? 

Blame. 

When a volital situation arises and the other party lays the blame at my feet (or a situation arises and I lay the blame at my own feet), it has been my history to pick it up because it MUST be my fault. "It's always my fault." Says that little wounded inner child who lives in fear of abandonment and has to be a people pleaser or she will be left alone...again. 

But...as I grow in Christ...and slowly begin to take hold of His promises of a life that is GOOD, I am realizing more and more that it's NOT always my fault and taking the blame does NOTHING to makes life more productive or fruitful in God's kingdom. 

So...I've devised a checklist that I go through to decided whether the blame truly is mine: 

1) Is this something God has been dealing with you already? 

God is not a teenage girl...he is not going to go to someone else with your business UNLESS he has already tried to get through to you and you didn't listen.   

It's OK to admit that you missed what God was saying and sometimes missing God's message causes us to hurt others.  Then yes...there is need to make reconciliation. 

Did you answer "no?" (Don't take this flippantly...REALLY PRAY to hear the voice of God.) Then there is most likely an issue within that other person that has nothing to do with you. Pray for them and move on. If they insist that you are to blame but you have peace that you aren't...you politely say "Thank you for being open to the Holy Spirit, but I've prayed about this and I don't feel this word it for me." And you walk away. 

2) Is what is being said done in love or accusation?

How does it make you feel? Although we shouldn't be always led by our feelings, there are times when that "feeling" is that check in your Holy Spirit saying "Hold on...this ain't right." 

Ephesians 4:15a says "Instead, we will speak the truth in LOVE..."

Truth should ALWAYS be accompanied by love...if it's not...it's not God. 

3) Does what is being said lead you to Christ!? Or does the blame you have chosen to pick up lead you to make decisions to better yourself or is it just a weight, dragging you down? 

The second half of Ephesians 4:15 says "...growing in EVERY WAY more  and more like Christ..."

If the situation needing mending is God-breathed and not man-issued, then it will lead you closer to Christ and not drive a wedge between you because our goal as Christians is to BE LIKE Christ...not to the point of being distracted by perfection, but rather to live the BEST Life we can. 

I have dealt with this a lot...with different people and different situations and I have found these 3 questions INVALUABLE to dealing with the Blame Game. 

Sometimes...I AM wrong and I have to work to mend things. 

Sometimes after answering these questions...I am brought to the realization that {SURPRISE!}...IT'S NOT MY FAULT.  

I am being a THIEF of someone else's blame and allowing it to weigh me down while it does NOTHING to make my life better.