The Grace Journal : January 2015

Today I have to write an email that scares me to death.

You see there is a person who doesn't understand why I don't want to have a relationship with them.

In the past, they have done things to hurt me and 4 years ago, I cut ties with them. Their words have always been "I didn't meant to hurt you.", but never admitting "I did wrong." Never admitting to what they did.

And for me...that is a brick wall.

I have forgiven them and am working on my own healing regarding the situation, but the idea of pursuing any kind of relationship with the person causes a near panic attack.

About a month ago, I received an email from them once again...not understanding my lack of "forgiveness" and my need for distance.

In the past, I have always tip-toed around things because I was scared of hurting the other person, but I have come to realize I am hurting someone anyway...myself.

Although, I have unpacked my emotional "backpack", they are all still lying around me, like land mines. The only way to finally sweep them away where they can't do any damage is to stop ignoring them and face my fears.

Ephesians 4:15 says we must speak the "truth in love" and I LOVE myself more now than I ever have in my entire life so I can no longer lie to myself and mute my feelings to protect others at the expense of freeing my soul from it's prison.

I will not be speaking in anger and I think that is why I am ready to take this step. Nothing good would come for me or them if I spoke only in anger.

Psalm 37:8 says "Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret-it only leads to evil."

My purpose is not in evil or wrath...my purpose is in releasing the fear that this situation has held me in for 4 years so that I can stop holding on to the past and move forward.

Proverbs 4:25-26 says: "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you. Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure. "

I am choosing to look forward...and to do that...I can't be afraid and be a prisoner of my past anymore.

Today...I pray you will choose to love yourself enough to speak the truth to others in love, without fear or anger, so that your soul can be free from it's prison.

Until next time my friends,

KERI

The Grace Journal

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